It's been quite a year.  Overall a good year for me and the Hubs but a hard year for my family.  2010 is going to be OUR year.  I cannot tell you how I am looking forward to 2010 and all the joy it is going to bring.  Thanks for taking this Bwildered trip with me one more year.  See ya in 2010!

We hope your Christmas is merry and bright and filled with family and love.

This time of year can be crazy. It can be stressful and overwhelming. And for some people it can be lonely. We can lose sight of what's truly important. But no matter how much I am stressed, no matter how much there is to do inevitably by the time I wake up Christmas Eve I am in full holiday spirit mode.

I am so happy this year because I know all the wonderful things that 2010 is going to bring. I am happy this year to be able to so close to all my family and to be able spend time with them all.  I am grateful for the life I have, the man I married and the many, many other blessings God has given me.  And because it is that time of year I wanted to make sure all my family knew how much they have blessed me this year and how much I love them.

Dad & Mom - You are the perfect examples of love, grace, and kindness.  Thank you for continued support and encouragement throughout this year.  I'm so glad Jackson has you for your grandparents.  He couldn't be more blessed.

Josh & Nicole - It's not been an easy year but you have both met the challenge and showed the world that you are a team and always will be.  I've watched the two of you become closer and stronger through adversity.  I'm so proud of you both and blessed to call you brother & sister.

Andy & Jill - Andy you picked the right one!  I'm so happy you have found the perfect girl for you.  And Jill I am so happy to have you as a sister.  You fit right in!  Even if we still have to watch you guys make out like the newlyweds you are! :-)  I know 2010 holds some awesome things for you!


Lovebug & Butterbean - Tia's girls!  I love you both so much.  You make me laugh.  You always run at me full tilt with your arms wide open.  I hope that as you grow up you know that Tia is always here for you.

Sherrie - I know it's been hard.  I KNOW, but I can't imagine how you have felt this year.  You've made some huge sacrifices to do the right thing.  I hope you know that I'm proud to be your sister and I love you so much.  I know next year is going to be a little brighter, a little better.  Good things are coming.  I just know it. 


Bradley - You are on the right path!  Keep it up!  I know you are going to become someone amazing that we are all so proud of.  Work hard.  It's worth it.  I promise.

Frank - I'm glad you were here to celebrate this year with us.  I'm glad that I am getting the opportunity to know you better.  Be strong.  Persevere.  I believe in you and what you can do.

Hubby - Love of my life.  Wasn't sure I would ever get it but I did.  Father of our son.  You make me laugh and drive me crazy.  I wouldn't have it any other way. 

My heart is full today for each of you too that have read over the last year.  Through the good, the bad and the sarcastic.  I wish you all (yes all 8 of you!) a wonderful Christmas.  I hope its full of lights and cookies and family and laughs and relaxation.  Take the time to hug someone's neck today or call and tell them you love them. 

Happy Christmas Eve friends.

Need. More. Time.

Christmas is in FOUR days.  FOUR days people.  I have goodie boxes to finish, presents to wrap, and STILL more gifts to buy.  Losing those few days last week really slowed me down.  I've been lucky enough to not have to venture into the mall YET but I think that changes today.  I'm going to have to break down and do it.  Not looking forward to that too much.  I think especially because I used to work in retail I really hate the mall at Christmas time.  In fact I don't even really ever GO to the mall.  Target is my mall.

One thing I am looking forward to this year is hosting Christmas at my house.  It's a Wilder's year so we will be hanging out with the family here.  Usually my SIL hosts it but this year has been a hard year for her and she needs the break.  And I'm happy to give it to her and have everyone over.  I'm looking forward to just hanging out all day.  We have no major plans other than a lot of laziness.  Which sounds right up my alley right now.  Maybe I'll even sneak in a nap.  There will be lots of yummy food of course.  I'm still working on that part.  Which reminds me I REALLY need to go to the grocery store!

This year seems to have just snuck up on me.  I'm usually pretty good and done by this time.  I don't know if it's because I'm moving slower or what but I'm in the weeds this year.  I have to pull it together!  Anyone else struggling to keep up this year?  Or is it just me?

Yesterday marks our first trip to Labor & Delivery.  It all went swimmingly.  The staff was great.  They were ready and waiting for me.  They got me right in and hooked up.  And all because I can't seem to stand up straight.  I have vertigo.

Let's talk vertigo for a minute, shall we?  Have you ever had it?  IT SUCKS.  And when I say that in all capitals I am yelling it.  It is the epitome of suckiness.  It's like a really bad hangover with the spins.  I can't tell you how much fun it is to stand up or sit up and suddenly find yourself nearly falling over because the world is upside down and gravity seems off.  They kept us there for about an hour and a half and monitored me.  They were worried that is was a high blood pressure issue, but my blood pressure was fine.  Jackson was happy as lamb, active as ever.  In fact they had to come in and adjust the monitor because he was moving so darn much.  No distress for the little mister. 

The OB on call said it isn't uncommon for her to see vertigo in pregnant women this time of year.  She suggested benadryl at night and sudafed during the day.  Both of which have been absolutely no help.  And the waves of wooziness that come with the dizziness?  Just another lovely side effect.  Lucky me!  As you can see I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself right now.  I have 100 things I want/need to be doing right now but most of those require me being able to stay upright for long than 10 seconds at a time.  So I'm wallowing a bit.  I don't take back anything I've said about the parts I enjoy about being pregnant, but this is one side effect I could have done without.  Especially because my body is already off balance due to the large belly in front and the loosening of my joints.  Guess I'll go sit in my chair and eat some chocolate until I feel all better.

32 weeks. THIRTY-TWO WEEKS. That's only about 8 weeks left people. I'm not ready.  I mean really.  I have WAY too much to do.  On the other hand I would really enjoy being able to breathe and eat and sleep (DON'T say it.  I KNOW.) again.

I had my monthly check-up yesterday. Everything is looking a-ok.  I'm measuring 33 weeks.  I only gained 3 pounds last month (YEA ME!).  And according to my midwife Jackson is in prime delivery position.  Which I could have told her from the butt sticking into my lungs and the fingers playing around down, ahem, south.

The last week has been a little rough.  Insomnia is getting worse.  I find myself staying up until I can barely keep my eyes open hoping that once I hit the bed I will zonk out.  Not so much.  It takes such an effort to find a comfortable position.  And I toss and turn all night.  My poor hubby is finding himself on the couch nearly every night.  Not because I make him move but because I keep waking him up.  Poor guy.  He has to be at work at 4 a.m. so he really needs his sleep.  And I'm sure part of the reason for his move is my snoring.  Oh yes.  I am now a champion snorer apparently.  Sexy.

The heartburn has been out of control too.  I'm trying a new tactic of eating small little meals all day long.  More like snacking all day.  And gulping my water down earlier in the day in hopes that it helps.  I have discovered if I just stay upright for at least an hour after I eat something it cuts down on the heartburn quite a bit.  And at this point everything gives me heartburn expect water.

My belly is starting to look like something out of Alien.  At different points of the day Jackson will just push against different parts of my belly and I look all lopsided.  His kicks are getting so strong they actually will make me jump.  And some of them tickle.  Which is weird.  I think we are both getting a little cramped with our situation and will be quite ready to have our own space.  But I know I will miss this time of just him and I.  We will never again be as close as we are now.  I believe everyone when they say that I will actually miss his kicks.  Although sometimes they hurt a bit they still make me smile.  That's my boy in there.  My son.  And I'm just about ready to see his scrunchy little face.

If you have been hanging around this site for any length of time you know how much I adore my nieces. They are the funniest little human beings I've ever met.  My youngest niece, the Lovebug, seems to be the most excited about Jackson's arrival and also very concerned about the size of my belly.  She's asked me more than once, "Why you belly so big?"  And the other day when she was at my house she stuck her ear to my belly and told me that Jackson told her that he is ready to come out and play with her and that he loves her very much. 

My oldest niece, my Butterbean, has proudly declared that she believe Jackson's is going to be a genius.  I believe she is probably right.  I had a dream the other night about her holding him and cooing at him.  She also asked me a few weeks ago when he was going to come out.  I told her in February and she asked if that was after Christmas.  I said yes it was and she sighed and said, "That's forever from now."  I agree kid.

I took the girls out a few weeks ago to get some fall pictures of them.  Here's a few of my favorites.

Do you remember this post about weight?  Did you read the post written by my friends Michelle and Lori?  If you didn't you should.  It was a good series and it was nice to read about other women's struggle with weight.  A few days ago I read another post that really touched me and brought it all to the forefront again.  Jenna over at That Wife is also pregnant with her first child.  She is a few months behind me but she wrote a blogpost the other day about pregnancy and weight gain that really hit me. 
I've shared with you before that I struggle with my weight.  I am, by no means, someone that will ever be 110 pounds or a size 6.  For me weight is a daily struggle.  Something that if I want to maintain a certain weight I have to be on top of it daily.  There is no break or down time.  Before I got pregnant I was attempting to not only drops some pounds but also change my body image and self-esteem about the whole issue.  I don't WANT to be someone that obsesses about it.  I don't want to spend my days counting calories and pounds.  I want to be healthy and I want to be proud of who I am no matter what my body looks like.
Before I got pregnant I had lost a little over 20 pounds of the course of quite a few months.  I was working on changing my attitude towards food and allowing myself to still enjoy food but within moderation.  When May hit and I got pregnant I wanted very much to not just throw caution to the wind and eat all the crap in the world because I'm now "eating for two (HELLO MYTH WE TELL OURSELVES TO EAT MORE!)".  The first trimester was not super easy.  I wasn't sick but I figured out quickly that if I didn't constantly keep my stomach full I would feel sick.  So I did.  Kept my stomach full and the pounds started coming back.  Second trimester was actually easier.  I gained less in those three months then I had in the three previous.  So I was feeling pretty good about that.  But now the weight is really coming on.  And coming on strong.  And two weeks ago I found my first stretch marks.  I am not kidding you when I say that as soon as I saw them I walked away from the mirror because I was ready to cry.  Personally I think making it to seven months without stretch marks is pretty good but now they are there and they are also coming on with a vengeance.  And every time I see them I cringe and quickly cover my belly. 
I know people say that this is not the time for me to worry about my weight.  That I'm supposed to gain weight, blah, blah, blah.  And I do get that.  But I don't want to be on the other side of this and have 100 pounds to lose (of course I exaggerate.  Lord help me if I did!).  Being a first time mom I can only IMAGINE the insecurities I will be facing at the time.  Am I doing this right?  Am I going to break him?  Will I be a good mom?  I don't want this to be one more insecurity piled on.  I do try to be aware of what I am eating and making good choices.  If I'm hungry during the day I try to reach for a piece of fruit over candy.  I'm not eating out anymore now that I'm not working but when I was I still tried to make good choices.  Sandwich vs. a hamburger.  At night the chocolate monster hits though and I have to have just a little bit.  Plus, I feel a bit doomed because all the women in my family get HUGE with pregnancy.  And I don't just mean fat.  I mean belly for days.  My teeny-tiny sister was a walking belly.  In reality I have gained most of it there.  I can still pull on my pants I used to wear and they fit everywhere but the belly.  I can pull my shirts on but nothing is buttoning across my, ahem, chest (HOLY cow people.  That's what I feel like.).  So I try to focus on that and think that maybe it isn't so bad.  But the fact of the matter is there is excess weight and Jackson isn't taking it all when he vacates the premises. 
This is not what I want to be focused on right now.  What I want to be focused on is this little guy that plays soccer for hours on end in my belly.  I want to be focused on preparing myself and my life and my house for this newest addition.  So how do I handle it?  How did you handle it?  Did you through caution to the wind and say "I'll deal with it then"?  Or did you deal with it daily? 

Today is my dad's birthday. When I think of my dad the first word that comes to mind is kindness. There isn't a mean bone in his body. After any of my friends meet my dad the first they they always say is, "I love your dad! He is SO nice!" And he is.  I've never met another human being with such a heart for people.  My dad is the epitome of an example of a Godly man.  I know he isn't perfect but he is one of those rare people that will stand up and admit when he was wrong and do it in a humble manner.

The thing that I always impresses me about my dad is HOW he is my dad.  He married my mom and had a ready-made family.  A new wife and two little girls under 5 for a guy who had never been married and was very much used to doing things a certain way.  But we never felt the stress or the struggle (I'm sure at times it was there.)  And when my brother came along it wasn't any different.  We didn't suddenly feel pushed aside by the "real" kid.  (And I have to say that my dad's family was the SAME way.  Which says a lot about them and why my dad is the way he is.)  There was never any difference between us.  We were all his kids.  I cannot imagine being under 30 and suddenly acquiring the responsibility of two kids and a wife.  My dad adopted my sister and I when I 14.  We always went by his last name but they waited to make it official until I was old enough to make the decision for both my sister and I.  There was no question as to what our answer was.  Of course.  He was our dad.  This song always reminds me and my sister of our dad.  If you haven't heard it, grab a tissue.


It has been such a joy for me to watch my dad with my hubby too.  Like any father he made sure I was sure about committing myself to him for the rest of my life.  I think my dad would be perfectly happy if he was the number one man in our lives for the rest of our lives!  But now as I watch my hubby and dad sit and talk and my dad offers up advice or praise sometimes it just makes me want to cry.  I'm so glad they are forming this relationship and growing closer.  Especially now with Jackson on the way.  I can't wait to see my dad interact with my son.  He is an awesome Papa to his girls and I know he is going to be awesome with Jackson.
 Happy birthday Dad! I love you so much and I'm proud to be your daughter.

Happy birthday to my old Roomie. Girl, you will always be the one that got me off the couch. And for that I'm forever grateful. Thanks for all the laughs and the hugs and the crying on each other's shoulders. Happy birthday dear friend.

I love headbands.  LURVE them.  I, however, have a very large head and find that they tend to either give me a headache or slowly slide off the back of my head.  Not cute.  Plus, I've always been into accessories.  I mean, it totally makes the outfit!  And now that I'm pregnant and I find myself wearing the same five things over and over the only way I can change it up is to add cute accessories.  Enter FeatherBrain. 

I have been looking for some cute, flexible headbands to wear.  Specifically with the thin headband.  I first saw these on The Pioneer Woman's website and just fell in love with them.  They are so beautiful!  I went to Etsy and just drooled over all the stuff in her shop.  After many hours of selection I narrowed it down to a pretty peacock feather.  I already know exactly where I want to wear this too.  I think that these would make awesome gifts too!  Plus, they are on sale so perfect for this time of the year!  This headband fits really well.  It's snug without giving me a headache and has enough give to fit over my melon head.  I'm now drooling over all her other headbands.  I can find at least 6 that I would like to own!

I can hardly believe it but it actually snowed here last night! It's already melting and melting quickly but it sure is beautiful.

I updated the blog!  I found the background and banner at The Cutest Blog on the Block.  They really do have the cutest stuff!  What do you guys think of the make-over?

And here is my most favorite commercial right now.  Who else thinks this sounds like Britney Spears?